The Bunny Times

The Bunny Times!
New And Improved At The Same Time!

Out With The Old And In With The New!
Due to the changing of the times in Shadowmere, the Bunny Den has decided that it was a time to change some of the current leaders of the Bunny Den circle of leadership.

Markus Silverpaw, who is still the Diplomacy Bunny due to exceptional work in his station, is restructuring the leadership circle, as some of the old leaders have retired and some new ones have walked in.

The Bunny Den has a new Carpenter Bunny, a strapping young Bunny born in the Lower Southlands, who has inherited Herb's bag of hammers to start his station by rebuilding the Bunny Den as well as completing the Bunny Times just in time to get this issue out! So send a warm thank you and maybe a box of carrots to our new Carpenter Bunny, Simon Nailingsun!

Tathelia Darkwinters is still our resident Magician Bunny after defeating and reducing to ashes the over one hundred would-be Magician Bunnies that wanted to overthrow her. She is also still residing in the Tower of Magic Stuff, where she teaches the Sorceresses the ways of more destructive magics.

Mikkirki Bluesummers is still our beloved Morale Bunny and is quite busy in the reconstruction of the Grand Cathedral, which she will be claiming as her home once it's been completed. For the time being, she lives in the Diamond Rose tavern.

Instructor Jeremiah has retired and now Instructor Bob has taken over as Instructor Bunny. We hope that Bob will do as well as Jeremiah as our new educator.

Thephanis, everybody's favorite half-breed (of Sprite and Bunny), is still our resident weapons master and Tactician Bunny. His guidance will keep the Bunny Den alive and well defended for as long as he is alive.

Kippy the War Vet has retired from the leader's circle and has taken up a permanent residence in the Bunny Den. We wish him a full and fruitful life. Rumor has it that he married a Priestess of the Grand Cathedral.

Catseye tried to retire as Bunny Den's general leader, but was caught in the act and was tossed in a closet until Catseye consents to continue as general leader.

Frank Whackwidget has announced that, for as long as he lives, he will never retire from his role as Technology Bunny, as he claims that the position is far too fun to just quit.

Werewolf Bites Dark Elf. Dark Elf Turns Into Werewolf. Dark Elf Bites Werewolf. Werewolf Turns Into Dark Elf.
Yeah, we're still thrown off by that...

This Page Intentionally Left Blank

Just Like The Phoenix, But From The Rubble...
From the ground up, the Bunny Den is back and about ready to start mobilizing. Due to every strategy and policy being changed, nobody's sure on just the Bunny Den's going to do in Uno.

The Bunny Times!
Steel Plated Sunday Edition!

Who The Hell Comes Up With This Crap, Anyway?
Many people wanted to know just how a five hundred ton pile of dragon dung managed to find its way to the Bunny Den carrot farms last night. Despite the fact that the pile is rather smelly, farmers are looking at the bright side since once mixed in with the soil, the farmlands will be extremely fertile and therefore, crop yields will increase dramatically. However, that doesn't dismiss the fact that, for the time being, there is a five hundred ton mountain of smelliness in the dead center of the Bunny Den's food supply. Many suspect that Leprechauns are responsible, but cannot be sure. Magician Bunny has this explanation to offer: "Look, Dragons are creatures born of magic, so anything they happen to leave behind will radiate magic. I can't tell if this crap's been teleported or a flight of dragons just happened to s*** on our farms due to this. Just why the hell are you bothering me about a pile of crap, anyway? I have more important things to do and you havetensecondstogothehellawayBEFOREISTARTDISINTEGRATINGPEOPLE!

Well, at least we can make use of it. Farmers also add that the dung can actually add to the farmland, as spreading it about can actually eliminate the need to till new land.

Leave it to farmers to find good things out of a crappy situation.

Werewolf Buried Under Five Tons Of Dung. Not Biting Anybody Today.
Well, I wouldn't, either. Can't blame the guy...

Nukefreak Weapons Factory Developing. Look Forward To Munitions In Your Backyard!
The Nukefreak weapons factory in Dan is finally completed and is starting to produce its own set of unique of weaponry to distribute all over Dan. Some through the Open Market and some delivered straight into your backyards. The second method of delivery seems to disturb and concern neighbors, as live munitions and, even more dangerous, unexploded munitions right on you back porch doesn't contribute to the safety factor of being in the same neighborhood as the weapons factory. "It was a good thing that I was under my forcefield, otherwise, I'd be blown to bits instead of being blown clear to the next Kingdom's marketplace! I did want to go shopping, but that wasn't the way I'd want to get there!", one High Elven resident said in reply when we asked him how he felt about stepping on that mine in his front yard.

Well, at least the intentions are good, right?

Airclad Day In The Bunny Den!
For some reason or no reason at all, Airclad Day has been officially approved by the Bunny Den's leaders. Now, should they please, the residents and visitors of the Bunny Den can go about their day as they please with as little as their birthday suits on for the remainder of the day. Despite the fact that a lot of people secretly wanted to do this, many are deciding to meander about clothed, as it is currently snowing in the Den and will continue to do so for the remainder of the week. However, this is not stopping the polar elves and the sorceresses in the Tower of Magic Stuff, as they aren't bothered by the snow. When we asked Morale Bunny (who's dressed only in a thin layer of snow) about the decision, we got this answer from her: "I know we should've picked a warmer day to declare it, but when did we actually really plan anything for Airclad Day? Just enjoy it!"

Currently, she's building an army of snowmen with the polar elves.

Silver Plated Androids For Sale!
A new thing just popped out from Planet Bunny's space factories - silver plated andoids! Not only are they shiny, but they come with the new Megavolt5000 laser blaster and the new Primode artificial int*

We at Bunny Times apologize for the violation of themes and timeframes. Those responsible have been sacked, meaning that they have been stuffed in burlap sacks and thrown over the Bunny Den's walls which usually leads to a lot of bruises and...

We at Bunny Times apologize for the interruption of your reading and overly lengthy explanation. Those responsible have been sacked and those sacking those that have been sacked were just sacked. Unfortunately, those sacked were also responsible for the printing of the newspapers, so we will be ending with the following headlines...

Bunny Times News Press Now Hiring!
Requirements:
Must be able to read and write the following languages: Sprite, Elven, Dwarvern, Human (all dialects), Goblin, Gnome, and Draconic.

Must be able to work a smelter, forge, basic machinery, flamethrower, welding equipment, hammers, tongs, nails, nailguns, nuclear devices, and some strange thing Technology Bunny calls a "laser scriber".

Pay is very competitive (Over 5,000 gold a week! Try getting that in anyone's army) and the benefits are even better. We at Bunny Times have a solid health plan that we practice frequently and we are proud to report no fatalities in the last five years.

Be the source of information for your beloved Bunny Den and all of Shadowmere. Be a part of the Bunny Times (not literally)!

The Bunny Times!
Sponge Cake Issue!

Breakfast And News!
Thanks to the Baker's Guild, this issue of the Bunny Times comes in Mishpea sponge cake and blueberry ink! Not only can you read your morning news, but you can eat it, too!

Werewolf Bites Ogre. Ogre Cries.
You know, this gets sillier and sillier every time we find a Werewolf biting something...

Will It Work? No? Why Not?
Every day, the Nukefreak weapons factory comes up with something crazy and new that doesn't have to do with war, but for the most part, it never comes out. We at the Bunny Times had the opportunity to actually be at one of the "Approve/Disapprove" meetings of inventions to come!

Inventor: It's a wonderful bar stool that you just cannot tip off of or tip over, no matter how drunk you are!
Technology Bunny: Oh really?
Inventor: Yeah, really! It also swivels a whole 360 degrees, unlike any other barstool!
Technology Bunny: Sounds like a winner. What's it called?
Inventor: I call it the Sit On This And Rotate!
Technology Bunny: ...
Technology Bunny: I'll get back to you on that...


Technology Bunny: Look, I just don't think this'll work, okay?
Inventor: But why not? Think about it! It's your very own source for lumber and food!
Technology Bunny: Yeah, but...
Inventor: And you don't even need to water it! It doesn't even require any food - just sunlight and boom! An almost instant tree!
Technology Bunny: But calling it Morning Wood just doesn't...
Inventor: It does what it's supposed to do - every evening, you can chop the tree down for wood, and every morning, you can harvest the sap to eat! You just can't beat Morning Wood for breakfast, either!
Technology Bunny: *Blink*


Inventor: This handy little machine will not only suck up all your garbage, but it'll break the garbage down into organic matter and eject it into gooey globs of liquid that's good for plants and trees! I like to call this handy dandy little thing the Spit And Swall...
Technology Bunny: NO!


Technology Bunny: *Walks away* Screw it! I'm going back to weapons!

So, What's For Breakfast?
Good morning! Dirk Worddigger here and I'm bored as allhell, so this morning, I'm here, teleporting to the homes of our most beloved leaders of the Bunny Den to find out just what they're having for breakfast today! Let's find out what's for breakfast!

We at Bunny Times would like to inform our readers that Dirk Worddigger is hard up for stories and scoops...

Dirk: Thanks guys...
Dirk: Anyhow! We're in the home of the Magician Bunny and what are you having for breakfast, today?
Tathelia Darkwinters: What the hell are you doing here?
Dirk: I'm doing a story on what everybody's having for breakfast today!
Tathelia: You're low on work, aren't you?
Dirk: *Facepalm* Just... What's for breakfast?
Tathelia: Well, it's a simple breakfast of dragon eggs and dragon steak with a glass of wine.
Dirk: *Blink* What's with all the dragon?
Tathelia: Bastard tried to hit my tower...
Dirk: Oh... Well, enjoy your breakfast!

Dirk: And now we're here at Technology Bunny's abode, which seems to be on fire...
Frank: SOMEONE GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! THE STOVE'S GONE BERSERK AGAIN!
Dirk: ...aaaaaand we're gonna go somewhere else!

Dirk: This looks peaceful. This can't be any other place than the Diplomacy Bunny's home!
Marcus: Good morning, Dirk! Slow day at work?
Dirk: ... *Sigh*
Marcus: I will take that as a 'Yes'. What can I do for you?
Dirk: I'm doing a story on what people are having for breakfast. Might I ask what you're having?
Marcus: Just the usual - tea and Jurple biscuits.
Dirk: That's it?
Marcus: Were you thinking of something more elaborate? I usually do not do breakfast, really.
Dirk: Oh... Well, have a good day. Onward to another abode!

Dirk: Given the fact that this room is carved out of a giant gemstone, this has to be the Morale Bunny's home.
Mikkirki: Yep! And you're about out of work, aren't you?
Dirk: why...
Mikkirki: So! Doing breakfast, eh? Why not join me while we're discussing it?
Dirk: Thank you! So, what's for breakfast?
Mikkirki: Well, I usually like to enjoy breakfast, which explains this spread, but the main piece is the huge pair of melons I'm holding right here!
Dirk: I... Er... I can see that Dammit, Dirk! Get a hold of yourself! She means those cantaloupes!
Mikkirki: The butcher's guild was kind enough to sell me these tasty Kielbasa sausages that I oh-so love very much ^^ You should really try one, as I'm gonna help myself to one right now.
Dirk: *Blink!* She just swallowed a foot long sausage... Why didn't I propose to h- Stay focused on your job, Dirk!
Mikkirki: Er... Are you alright? It looks like you're about to develop an aneurysm.
Dirk: Must not... try to... look around body ribbon...
Mikkirki: *Quizzical look* Hey, are you alright?
Dirk: I'll... I'm just... fine. Maybe a little coffee?
Mikkirki: Sure! Cream? I made it myself! ^^ Fresh from the-
Dirk: GAH! Falls over
Mikkirki: Dirk?

We at Bunny Times apologize for the unfinished story, as our top reporter fell ill to multiple burst blood vessels in various parts of his body. We will finish the story when and if Dirk Worddigger feels like finishing it.

The Bunny Times! Bright And Shiny Version!

Star Light, Star Bright Everyone near the Bunny Den has always wanted to know what's the deal with the super bright stars in the sky over the Sprite and Bunny Kingdom. “The start are bright enough to turn night into more-than-day. The nights are brighter than the days!”, remarks one Dark Elf wizard who's been studying the stars for more than a month since the stars started intensifying. A lot of scholars, mages, and wizards blame the phenomenon to “Bunny Magic”, as many believe that the magic from the Bunny Den is not just unique, but strange and very unpredictable. Some are concerned that the stars themselves might explode, but Gnome scholars and scientists believe that the stars aren't even being affected at all. Qix Blacksprocket explains that it is the “Bunny Magic” that is lighting up the sky and has nothing to do with stars. Will this ever be investigated? Of course not! By the time someone gathers up the courage to actually go to the Bunny Den to investigate, the phenomenon will be over.

Man Bites Werewolf. Doesn't that top it all...

Yes, The Newspaper Glows Because of the extreme amount of magic being tossed about in the Bunny Den, the paper of the Bunny Times has become so saturated with residual magic and ozone that it actually glitters and glows as you read it! How about that? Not having to light candles or lanterns to read the morning paper – of course, thanks to the extreme amount of illumination all over the Den, nobody will need a light for quite some time!